Well I have delayed that little talk we were going to have over the Stimulus Bill long enough, and it is time to take a stand one way or the other. But before we begin, I would like to use a pretty simple analogy to explain my perspective on this mess in hopes that while we may disagree, you will perhaps understand the rationale behind my thought processes:
An Analogy.
My car is dead on the side of the road again, and I am on my way to the auto shop to decide which of the myriad of solutions out there would be best to fix this problem. Now it should be mentioned that my car has been in the process of failing for over eight years, and twice before the manager of the auto service store gave me some money and told me it was mental and to stfu.
This time the atmosphere in the shop is different, and definitely a lot more panicky. Having purchased a rental car (abused by previous tenets), I get these sorts of looks all of the time, but having the minister give my car last rites was a first. After a quick huddle, I am presented a two estimates.
The first estimate wants to give me a discount on my repair bill. I ask how that will actually fix my car, and they say that the savings will allow me to buy other things (like food I suppose). They assure me, that giving people back money on their bills will allow them to create jobs and that this success will trickle down to my car - and presto, it will work better than before! Having heard this before, I skeptically ask if that would give me a good job in the next few days. They now refer to me as comrade Beagle (not really, but with a dog type as a last name - well you get used to the usual change when I piss people off), and insist that the auto shop can't fix everything for me!
Why in this story do I have the knuckle draggers from the last mechanic still working on my car? I dunno, its a weak story, but if I was any damn good I wouldn't be typing this drivel.
Anyhow, the new manager comes over and starts talking to me about the car. He knows I am a little low on cash so he offers to give me a helping hand. What I really need is a new car he says, but we both agree that this isn't possible. After consulting with all of the mechanics and asking them to identify those items that would help my situation immediately, he presents me with a pretty hefty estimate. I point to the first group of mechanics and ask if they were part of the process too? He says yes, but warns me that they are terribly unhappy that we didn't just use their ideas. I lean over and confide that they call me comrade Beagle. He leans over and says they call him the anti-Christ.
While we are discussing the estimate, we are constantly interrupted by the tantrums of these old mechanics. There is one particularly fat one in the corner popping pills making a huge ruckus. I am surprised to hear that he doesn't actually work in the shop, since the old mechanics go to him often and kiss his butt. At this point, other than the random tantrum, this set of mechanics have stopped working on my car altogether. Odd, but since they called me comrade, it just seems to all fit nicely in a freakishly "Nightmare on Elm Street" sort of way.
Gasp, I notice that the hippy from California wants to put a condom around my car? The manager is livid, apologizes profusely and gets it removed immediately. This of course causes the old mechanics to start up their tantrums again, but we manage to go though the estimate line by line. After seven hundred pages, I ask him if all this will actually fix my car? He shakes his head and apologizes that despite all this effort, this will only work temporarily. Sigh.
More tomorrow!
Take A Bow (by Rihanna)
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